Y2K
Well-Known Member
I've placed this here for anybody who cares enough to read it, the events mentioned in this piece is real and remains unaltered.
I can't say that my parents did anything wrong nor would I blame them for what happened.
I’ve always been an outsider, we moved around alot when I was younger and I got tired of making friends that I would eventually lose. I chose to keep to myself until highschool as you can imagine I was victim to the local bully.
I had almost everything stolen on a monthly basis, from stationary to sports apparel, I would allow people to walk all over me, even the teachers didn’t take me seriously. This just pushed me further and further into a hole where I kept everything inside, my parents never knew anything till the 11th grade, I was too scared to let them know what was happening because I feared the ridicule I would receive from my classmates and the rest of the grade.
A year later we moved again and I would require a cellphone in order to keep contact with my parents so they would be aware of my whereabouts after school.
It got stolen by a kid in the class, he looked straight at me took the phone and went back to his desk (he was the main bully) and I was too much of a pussy to stand up to him, I watched him take it and I just allowed that to happen (to this day I’m convinced it's caused me psychological trauma).
I didn’t care about anything in high school, my grades were shit and all I knew was that I wanted a way out.
My final year came and I scraped through, this really wasn’t a big deal to me but I made it appear that way because it meant so much to my parents.(I did it because that’s what my parents wanted.)
*It gets a little dark here you can skip but it does explain an important part of my life.*
I've posted this before on myBB.
"Got the absolute shiit kicked out of me in high school, walking to my aunts place after school, got jumped by 5 guys.
They didn't even ask me for anything, one dude just said wtp I was doing in their neighbourhood. (I'm very fair so they probably assumed I was white).
After that they all rushed in and I was pretty much fuucked, I passed out probably due to the pain and blood loss.
Paramedics found me faced down under the bridge (where the initial attack took place)."
What I didn't mention on that forum is that all I wanted in that moment was to die, I closed my eyes and for the first time ever I wished that this was going to be my last breath. Then nothing just black, lights out, nobody home. This was probably second darkest moment of my life.
I’ve been out of high school for 6 years and I feel like I’ve made absolutely zero progress, I mean yeah I’ve learned a crap load of things but all of that is meaningless to me, the people I “befriended” aren’t really friends we just had assignments and a few classes together.
I thought I formed relationships with the people I’ve worked with but it wasn’t worth much unless they needed something.
I’ve never cared about dating, yes I’m like any other man intercouse crosses my mind very often but like anything else the urge subsides. Yes I’ve engaged in intercourse several times but it wasn’t very fulfilling because it was just lust.
To be blunt I have no friends, I live my life mainly on the internet but I hate social media/Youtube, I was addicted to videogames on and off for about 4 years. But that’s behind me.
I just feel empty overall like I have no purpose.
I can't say that my parents did anything wrong nor would I blame them for what happened.
I’ve always been an outsider, we moved around alot when I was younger and I got tired of making friends that I would eventually lose. I chose to keep to myself until highschool as you can imagine I was victim to the local bully.
I had almost everything stolen on a monthly basis, from stationary to sports apparel, I would allow people to walk all over me, even the teachers didn’t take me seriously. This just pushed me further and further into a hole where I kept everything inside, my parents never knew anything till the 11th grade, I was too scared to let them know what was happening because I feared the ridicule I would receive from my classmates and the rest of the grade.
A year later we moved again and I would require a cellphone in order to keep contact with my parents so they would be aware of my whereabouts after school.
It got stolen by a kid in the class, he looked straight at me took the phone and went back to his desk (he was the main bully) and I was too much of a pussy to stand up to him, I watched him take it and I just allowed that to happen (to this day I’m convinced it's caused me psychological trauma).
I didn’t care about anything in high school, my grades were shit and all I knew was that I wanted a way out.
My final year came and I scraped through, this really wasn’t a big deal to me but I made it appear that way because it meant so much to my parents.(I did it because that’s what my parents wanted.)
*It gets a little dark here you can skip but it does explain an important part of my life.*
I've posted this before on myBB.
"Got the absolute shiit kicked out of me in high school, walking to my aunts place after school, got jumped by 5 guys.
They didn't even ask me for anything, one dude just said wtp I was doing in their neighbourhood. (I'm very fair so they probably assumed I was white).
- Stabbed once in the back
- Broken jaw not to mention my teeth were and are still fuucked.
- Right leg - patellar fracture (broken kneecap and ankle).
- Both forearms were swollen really bad.
After that they all rushed in and I was pretty much fuucked, I passed out probably due to the pain and blood loss.
Paramedics found me faced down under the bridge (where the initial attack took place)."
What I didn't mention on that forum is that all I wanted in that moment was to die, I closed my eyes and for the first time ever I wished that this was going to be my last breath. Then nothing just black, lights out, nobody home. This was probably second darkest moment of my life.
I’ve been out of high school for 6 years and I feel like I’ve made absolutely zero progress, I mean yeah I’ve learned a crap load of things but all of that is meaningless to me, the people I “befriended” aren’t really friends we just had assignments and a few classes together.
I thought I formed relationships with the people I’ve worked with but it wasn’t worth much unless they needed something.
I’ve never cared about dating, yes I’m like any other man intercouse crosses my mind very often but like anything else the urge subsides. Yes I’ve engaged in intercourse several times but it wasn’t very fulfilling because it was just lust.
To be blunt I have no friends, I live my life mainly on the internet but I hate social media/Youtube, I was addicted to videogames on and off for about 4 years. But that’s behind me.
I just feel empty overall like I have no purpose.