Addiction

[Y2K]

For those of you who've spoken to me privately may be aware that I have a problem, I've don't think I've ever given anybody the full story.

So I have a really addictive personality it doesn't apply to everything but the things it does I seem to latch onto and have a really tough time letting go.

Before we go further I just want people to understand that this is my opinion, some may not consider it an addiction but when it causes you to behave in the same way a junkie would with substance abuse then it becomes an addiction.

Videogames

League of legends (I am horribly addicted to this videogame to the point where I fucked up my life plan 2 years in a row, if you have a look online you'll see the damage it can do to people. Missing out on class, work etc.

Cannabis

I know this is going to be a sore topic but please remember this is my opinion, just before we moved out of the old place I started smoking Cannabis every night, there is something about weed that slows down everything for me it calms my brain otherwise it goes fucking rampant with thoughts. Now I know most people will say you can't get physically addicted to Cannabis but you can become psychologically addicted to it you chase the high it gives you. Lets keep in mind its causing your brain to release dopamine. I've stopped consuming altogether since the end of August if I'm not mistaken.

Other Drugs

Painkillers have recently become enjoyable, I like the feeling of being numb physically and emotionally, I've stopped them for now as people have started to notice and made me aware that they are addictive. (They are aware of the type of person I am.)

Alcohol

I actually don't like alcohol except beer. I can have a fridge full of beer though and I won't drink it unless I really feel for it.



Any input would be appreciated, I do believe that addiction is genetic, both my grandfathers were heavy alcoholics and my mother said I have the same traits as her dad.

 

[Tribs]

I get the addictions. For me they are more distractions. We hold onto things that "make us feel safe / take us away from our current situations / make those situations more bearable". Both my grandfather and dad were alcoholics. I do drink but have stopped many times without difficulty or issues. But I do like the numb feeling it gets me and takes my thoughts away. Though lately, I prefer to be able to game without the hindrance - so I drink a lot less for that reason.

I get addicted to certain people. This is a problem as it almost becomes an obsession - but not in the way you would think. I just need to know that they are around. Many people suffer from depression or suicidal thoughts lately - and I just constantly need reassurance that they are around. So just the double blue tick on WA is enough for that most of the time - but sometimes I need a reply, and will keep checking to see if there is one.

What I really think it is, is my brain keeping itself distracted. I find that as I get older, it gets harder to control where my thoughts go - so I force them into little boxes. Whether it is a PC game, music, forums (I have always had an addiction for those), sharing memes so that I know people are still there, driving (one I had before lockdown), the list is actually long. Luckily not all are harmful. But sometimes it gets too much and I withdraw from everything and everyone. That is more dangerous for me than the addictions/distractions. This is when the dark thoughts happen and I often end up getting into trouble. Various types. I also find that at these times I don't care or feel. Conscience be dammed - it leaves me during these periods. My judgement is poor and I make really bad choices. So holding onto the distractions sometimes delays the onset of this.

So I am very happy with my distractions/addictions.

 

[Y2K]

I get the addictions. For me they are more distractions. We hold onto things that "make us feel safe / take us away from our current situations / make those situations more bearable". Both my grandfather and dad were alcoholics. I do drink but have stopped many times without difficulty or issues. But I do like the numb feeling it gets me and takes my thoughts away. Though lately, I prefer to be able to game without the hindrance - so I drink a lot less for that reason.

I get addicted to certain people. This is a problem as it almost becomes an obsession - but not in the way you would think. I just need to know that they are around. Many people suffer from depression or suicidal thoughts lately - and I just constantly need reassurance that they are around. So just the double blue tick on WA is enough for that most of the time - but sometimes I need a reply, and will keep checking to see if there is one.

What I really think it is, is my brain keeping itself distracted. I find that as I get older, it gets harder to control where my thoughts go - so I force them into little boxes. Whether it is a PC game, music, forums (I have always had an addiction for those), sharing memes so that I know people are still there, driving (one I had before lockdown), the list is actually long. Luckily not all are harmful. But sometimes it gets too much and I withdraw from everything and everyone. That is more dangerous for me than the addictions/distractions. This is when the dark thoughts happen and I often end up getting into trouble. Various types. I also find that at these times I don't care or feel. Conscience be dammed - it leaves me during these periods. My judgement is poor and I make really bad choices. So holding onto the distractions sometimes delays the onset of this.

So I am very happy with my distractions/addictions.

Well I've deleted the game for now, try and focus on what I need to do for the rest of this year. It's really difficult, the moment I wake up my brain immediately wants to play it.

 

[Tribs]

Well I've deleted the game for now, try and focus on what I need to do for the rest of this year. It's really difficult, the moment I wake up my brain immediately wants to play it.

Yes that is heavy. I have been there and done that too. But I realised it was a substitute for real life. A way to escape. Since I realised that - it has helped.

 

[satanboy]

The only thing I felt that I was instantly addicted to was smoking meth. It was wonderful. The smoking part not the feeling of addiction.

I can really understand the grip it has on people.

Cocaine is also almost like that, you won't stop until it's all gone, but the next day I normally felt ok.

 

[Y2K]

The only thing I felt that I was instantly addicted to was smoking meth. It was wonderful. The smoking part not the feeling of addiction.

I can really understand the grip it has on people.

Cocaine is also almost like that, you won't stop until it's all gone, but the next day I normally felt ok.

I don't think I'd ever want to try meth, I'd probably never stop given the type of person I am.

 

[biometrics]

I don't think I'd ever want to try meth, I'd probably never stop given the type of person I am.

Then definately don't try crack.

 

[BloodrayneZA]

I get addicted to certain people. This is a problem as it almost becomes an obsession - but not in the way you would think. I just need to know that they are around. Many people suffer from depression or suicidal thoughts lately - and I just constantly need reassurance that they are around. So just the double blue tick on WA is enough for that most of the time - but sometimes I need a reply, and will keep checking to see if there is one.

Yikes I have the same issue. I get annoyed over something so small, specially if it's someone close to me.

That's why I have been a recluse for so many years cos people just suck.

 

[LD50]

I want to say something but I don't know how to say it

 

[LD50]

Alcohol

...I can have a fridge full of beer though and I won't drink it unless I really feel for it.

fuuuuuuuuuuuckk

 

[biometrics]

I want to say something but I don't know how to say it

Having trouble being rude?

 

[LD50]

Having trouble being rude?

this is not me

 

[rambo919]

I was on anti-depressants for a year or so, maybe because I am such a physical lightweight or maybe because drugs rarely have the usual effects on me (I seem to have a painkiller resistance for example which confuses hospital nurses to no end) but the stuff made me either a zombie or so sleepy at times I was useless..... so against the well meaning opinion of a state doctor who said "for life" I cold turkeyed once I realized no one was gonna help me taper off and that I needed to be more aware of life. Had a week of being out of everything and then the stuff finished leaving my system and I was fine. Later tried natural anti depressants for a short while.... only made me sleepy as f-k.

Funny thing I have an addiction that I would rather not mention (because the internet is a heartless ass) that I actually managed to get under complete control while on anti -depressants, shortly after I got myself off them the addiction came back. Guess my body (endorphins) became habituated to using this addiction as a method of stress relief..... so basically I am currently a functioning addict but better off than on the anti-depressants because at least my mind is mostly my own.

One thing this addiction has taught me..... no one REALLY understand addiction until one has a hold on them. You always think this is fine I can stop any time..... until you either try to stop and your body won't let you or you reach a plato of addiction where suddenly you realize "this is not normal"..... at which point you try to quit and probably can't. That's the thing with addiction, it lies to you, proclaims it's innocence..... while it slowly kills you.... I am just glad I did not get addicted to anti-depressants too. The thing with dagga, it's basically a natural equalizer that can be used as an anti-depressent, just like any medication of the kind you can become addicted if you abuse it.

I was semi-addicted to games for a while but that kinda faded over time as the games started loosing quality and I started limiting the games I allowed myself to play. I will now never play online games or games promoting anything occultic (or anything else of a primarily negative nature) and my relfexes are not good enough for twich shooters or RTS games.... and I really don't see the point of rushing everything all the time..... it becomes a chasing after the wind. The thing with a good game is it can become a time-sink, you just loose days in it. This is attractive not because it feels good but because both your body and your mind becomes numb, it can be quite refreshing or it can ruin your eyes and neck and so on. It's a kind of resting state but you cannot rest all the time.

 

[Tribs]

I was on anti-depressants for a year or so, maybe because I am such a physical lightweight or maybe because drugs rarely have the usual effects on me (I seem to have a painkiller resistance for example which confuses hospital nurses to no end) but the stuff made me either a zombie or so sleepy at times I was useless..... so against the well meaning opinion of a state doctor who said "for life" I cold turkeyed once I realized no one was gonna help me taper off and that I needed to be more aware of life. Had a week of being out of everything and then the stuff finished leaving my system and I was fine. Later tried natural anti depressants for a short while.... only made me sleepy as f-k.

Funny thing I have an addiction that I would rather not mention (because the internet is a heartless ass) that I actually managed to get under complete control while on anti -depressants, shortly after I got myself off them the addiction came back. Guess my body (endorphins) became habituated to using this addiction as a method of stress relief..... so basically I am currently a functioning addict but better off than on the anti-depressants because at least my mind is mostly my own.

One thing this addiction has taught me..... no one REALLY understand addiction until one has a hold on them. You always think this is fine I can stop any time..... until you either try to stop and your body won't let you or you reach a plato of addiction where suddenly you realize "this is not normal"..... at which point you try to quit and probably can't. That's the thing with addiction, it lies to you, proclaims it's innocence..... while it slowly kills you.... I am just glad I did not get addicted to anti-depressants too. The thing with dagga, it's basically a natural equalizer that can be used as an anti-depressent, just like any medication of the kind you can become addicted if you abuse it.

I was semi-addicted to games for a while but that kinda faded over time as the games started loosing quality and I started limiting the games I allowed myself to play. I will now never play online games or games promoting anything occultic (or anything else of a primarily negative nature) and my relfexes are not good enough for twich shooters or RTS games.... and I really don't see the point of rushing everything all the time..... it becomes a chasing after the wind. The thing with a good game is it can become a time-sink, you just loose days in it. This is attractive not because it feels good but because both your body and your mind becomes numb, it can be quite refreshing or it can ruin your eyes and neck and so on. It's a kind of resting state but you cannot rest all the time.

Really glad you are in control of your addiction and not the other way around. You seem to have learnt a lot about yourself in the process.

 

[Y2K]

I was on anti-depressants for a year or so, maybe because I am such a physical lightweight or maybe because drugs rarely have the usual effects on me (I seem to have a painkiller resistance for example which confuses hospital nurses to no end) but the stuff made me either a zombie or so sleepy at times I was useless..... so against the well meaning opinion of a state doctor who said "for life" I cold turkeyed once I realized no one was gonna help me taper off and that I needed to be more aware of life. Had a week of being out of everything and then the stuff finished leaving my system and I was fine. Later tried natural anti depressants for a short while.... only made me sleepy as f-k.

Funny thing I have an addiction that I would rather not mention (because the internet is a heartless ass) that I actually managed to get under complete control while on anti -depressants, shortly after I got myself off them the addiction came back. Guess my body (endorphins) became habituated to using this addiction as a method of stress relief..... so basically I am currently a functioning addict but better off than on the anti-depressants because at least my mind is mostly my own.

One thing this addiction has taught me..... no one REALLY understand addiction until one has a hold on them. You always think this is fine I can stop any time..... until you either try to stop and your body won't let you or you reach a plato of addiction where suddenly you realize "this is not normal"..... at which point you try to quit and probably can't. That's the thing with addiction, it lies to you, proclaims it's innocence..... while it slowly kills you.... I am just glad I did not get addicted to anti-depressants too. The thing with dagga, it's basically a natural equalizer that can be used as an anti-depressent, just like any medication of the kind you can become addicted if you abuse it.

I was semi-addicted to games for a while but that kinda faded over time as the games started loosing quality and I started limiting the games I allowed myself to play. I will now never play online games or games promoting anything occultic (or anything else of a primarily negative nature) and my relfexes are not good enough for twich shooters or RTS games.... and I really don't see the point of rushing everything all the time..... it becomes a chasing after the wind. The thing with a good game is it can become a time-sink, you just loose days in it. This is attractive not because it feels good but because both your body and your mind becomes numb, it can be quite refreshing or it can ruin your eyes and neck and so on. It's a kind of resting state but you cannot rest all the time.

Thank you for sharing, you're right the internet is a heartless ass hence why I asked for a private section.

 

[Y2K]

I want to say something but I don't know how to say it

Go ahead and say it man, I won't take offence.

 

[rambo919]

Really glad you are in control of your addiction and not the other way around. You seem to have learnt a lot about yourself in the process.

Oh the control tends to be more an illusion where where it's more avoiding anything that might stimulate habitual responses than anything else. I had the hubris of thinking "complete control" is permanent once, I won't make that mistake again. Listening to testimony of alcoholics and hard drug users and normal smokers etc.... this is the one thing they have in common, abstinence requires effort and the urge never REALLY goes away unless a miracle happens.

There is also that problem of give it a pinky and it takes an arm, I even tried appeasement once..... didnt work out so well.

 

[Tribs]

Oh the control tends to be more an illusion where where it's more avoiding anything that might stimulate habitual responses than anything else. I had the hubris of thinking "complete control" is permanent once, I won't make that mistake again. Listening to testimony of alcoholics and hard drug users and normal smokers etc.... this is the one thing they have in common, abstinence requires effort and the urge never REALLY goes away unless a miracle happens.

There is also that problem of give it a pinky and it takes an arm, I even tried appeasement once..... didnt work out so well.

No it doesn't. Those that say addiction can be cured - are lying. It is a daily battle. You are clearly not comfortable with yours - so I wish you the strength needed to resist the urges. Most of my addictions I will periodically give in to. And I just hope that, before things get too bad - I gain the strength to back away from them.

 

[rambo919]

Thank you for sharing, you're right the internet is a heartless ass hence why I asked for a private section.

We gotta share our experience, even if there is just the smallest chance of it helping someone else..... the pain HAS to be worth something

 

[rambo919]

No it doesn't. Those that say addiction can be cured - are lying. It is a daily battle. You are clearly not comfortable with yours - so I wish you the strength needed to resist the urges. Most of my addictions I will periodically give in to. And I just hope that, before things get too bad - I gain the strength to back away from them.

Sometimes, hope is all that is left behind.

One of my big mistakes was that I thought I could take back control, then that delusion was shattered. Pride is the most deceptive of sins. I cannot claim to have all the answers but I know I cannot overcome myself, I need the right kind of help but thus far have had to be patient in waiting for it, and learning patience is not easy.

At this point I am just trying to do the Job thing and humble myself.