If you feel confused, angry, or uncomfortable after watching the video clip of Will Smith assaulting Chris Rock (and let's be clear, it is assault) then, like me, you are experiencing a trauma reaction. It's probably a fight or flight response.
Reflecting on how this clip made me feel, I realised my reaction was first denial ("oh this MUST be scripted"), then trying unsuccessfully to make sense of what happened, followed by rationalisation (Will must be going through something difficult).
The truth is that I was triggered by this unforeseen act of violence. That's why I feel so uncomfortable about it. Scripted or not, this act of rage taps into an unfortunate part of the collective life script that many communities, including my own face: men behaving violently.
The reality that too many of us have experienced, within our families or communities, is the rage of a man who has lost control. And seeing Will Smith, Hollywood's darling, resort to violence on a public stage, results in an all-too-familiar fight or flight response. Even worse is his so-called apology, in which he limply states that "love makes you do crazy things". This is not an apology. Rather it's a justification for losing control of your emotions. It's the same kind of rhetoric used by men who violently abuse women.
Now I'm not in any way condoning Chris Rock's joke. It was in bad taste and inappropriate. I know there are many people who say he deserved the slap, and honestly that was my initial thought as well. But I realise that's a primitive defence and we need to evolve. Also, acts of violence never come from a place of reason and rational thought. The tragedy of this situation is that it became a power struggle between two men, excluding the woman and leaving her voiceless and powerless once again. A true reflection of patriarchy and toxic masculinity.
There is really no "lesson" in this for Chris Rock as some seem to think. In fact, there was a missed lesson for us all: that problems can be resolved calmly, and that you don't have to act on your angry emotions. It is hugely disappointing that a man of such power and authority who had endeared himself to nearly the entire world, has squandered the opportunity to teach young men and boys how to deal with their anger, by allowing his primitive defences to be enacted.
Garth Newman Psychology