Online Dating

R

[)roi(]

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Nope - lots of ladies over 40 keen to date for romance and some just for fun.
I don't doubt that... question is why would you want to complicate your life with a relationship and the baggage that comes with that.
What is the benefit of that? I'm specifically referencing woman post mid 30s that are typically full of baggage; kids, ex husband, emotional scars, etc.

Surely at this stage in your life; you'd be in good financial standing, so benefits like living together (e.g. shared expenses, etc.) would be far less important, and more often than not undesired when there are children, an ex husband, etc.
 

biometrics

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Post #3 ;-)
I looked at Hinge, Bumble, Tinder, DatingBuzz and OkCupid. Doesn’t do it for me. Too much of an inhuman meat market.

I’ll stick to the old school way of doing things.
 
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Tribs

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I looked at Hinge, Babel, Tinder, DatingBuzz and OkCupid. Doesn’t do it for me. Too much of an inhuman meat market.

I’ll stick to the old school way of doing things.
Go to places that interest you - and start talking to women you see alone. At least then you stand a chance of meeting someone single that likes the same things you do
 

Rudolph Hart

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Why would anyone want to date in their 50s? I'm assuming that tdating implies a desire for permanence e.g. marriage?
Most women above 40 will be baggage laden: kids, ex husband, emotional scars, ...

Surely the objective above 40 is just friendship with no strings benefits?
If I was single I certainly would not want that type of baggage legally attached.

The only difference is if you're 40+ and single, have no kids and still want to be a father -- in that case pick single without kids; matching ethics and an age in the low 30s and below.
I’m not sure that dating implies a desire for permanence. On the other hand, if you do meet the right person, I suppose permanence is the natural result. I’m in my 50s and date, because I enjoy the company. I’ve got used to being alone over the years, but I’m far happier when I’m with someone than when I’m alone. I’m open to the idea that starting a relationship is possibly going to result in something permanent, but then again every relationship you’re in, except the last one, will end somehow. (Assuming monogamy).
 
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biometrics

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Go to places that interest you - and start talking to women you see alone. At least then you stand a chance of meeting someone single that likes the same things you do
Exactly, will join the hiking club, visit the markets on Saturdays (so less drinking on Friday nights which is a good thing), go out for dinner and drinks over weekends, tap into friends circles etc. There are plenty of fish in the sea. I’ve been a hermit for a decade and it’s time to get out of the house again.

@Spizz, mention to the SO (her friends, not her, lol) I’m in the market… ;)
 
R

[)roi(]

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This. I don't think older women want attachments but they do want to have fun. But most older men seem to be looking for someone to look after them.
Two camps IMO:
  1. Older men that have spent their lives becoming financially secure and are now ready for a family -- they'd typically be hunting for younger women(without kids) who want to be mothers.
  2. Older divorced / widowed men that already have a family; and hence only need companionship; someone to do things with and / or for no strings attached sex.
"look after them" is something that could be paid for e.g. a maid that cooks and cleans -- why would you ever willingly choose to bear the baggage that older woman have?

As for " I don't think older women want attachments" -- an older woman that wants attachments would be an warning siren for me... because it's more often than not from a financial perspective e.g. has kids needs you to pay for her lifestyle and that of her kids, etc.
 
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Rudolph Hart

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This. I don't think older women want attachments but they do want to have fun. But most older men seem to be looking for someone to look after them.
It depends on the person. Many older women just want fun - often they’ll date younger men, and catch up on the jolling they missed out on when they had kids. But many people are lonely at some level when they’re on their own, and don’t want to be alone forever, and that includes men and women, and even if they’re not directly looking for a partner for life, they’re aware it’s a possibility and don’t object to it.
 
R

[)roi(]

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I’m not sure that dating implies a desire for permanence. On the other hand, if you do meet the right person, I suppose permanence is the natural result. I’m in my 50s and date, because I enjoy the company. I’ve got used to being alone over the years, but I’m far happier when I’m with someone than when I’m alone. I’m open to the idea that starting a relationship is possibly going to result in something permanent, but then again every relationship you’re in, except the last one, will end somehow. (Assuming monogamy).
Why call it dating then? For me dating was what I did when I was looking for a life partner... now that I have a wife and kids, I have no desire to ever date again. Marriage IMO is the original purpose of dating... it's mostly certainly what most woman view it as.

As I said if I was single again at my age (50); I certainly would never date anyone... I'd much rather be looking for friendship, no dating... that way the terms of sex are clear... i.e. clear that none of us are looking for a relationship.
 

Tribs

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Why call it dating then? For me dating was what I did when I was looking for a life partner... now that I have a wife and kids, I have no desire to ever date again. Marriage IMO is the original purpose of dating... it's mostly certainly what most woman view it as.

As I said if I was single again at my age (50); I certainly would never date anyone... I'd much rather be looking for friendship, no dating... that way the terms of sex are clear... i.e. clear that none of us are looking for a relationship.
Ah to most dating means going out and having fun. I know people who date that actually just want companionship and not attachment. And they are in their 20s and 30s. So it is the same thing - just viewed differently.

But yes - you would want companionship/friendship and sex without the attachment. I would agree with that.
 

biometrics

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Why call it dating then? For me dating was what I did when I was looking for a life partner... now that I have a wife and kids, I have no desire to ever date again. Marriage IMO is the original purpose of dating... it's mostly certainly what most woman view it as.

As I said if I was single again at my age (50); I certainly would never date anyone... I'd much rather be looking for friendship, no dating... that way the terms of sex are clear... i.e. clear that none of us are looking for a relationship.
What else do you call it? The word “dating” just means going out with someone.
 

Tribs

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It depends on the person. Many older women just want fun - often they’ll date younger men, and catch up on the jolling they missed out on when they had kids. But many people are lonely at some level when they’re on their own, and don’t want to be alone forever, and that includes men and women, and even if they’re not directly looking for a partner for life, they’re aware it’s a possibility and don’t object to it.
Yes they do. But there are those that actually enjoy taking care of people (I mean cooking for them and being with them). I have friends like that. They are desperate for a man that will love them and treasure them. And they in turn will look after them and keep the house clean and feed them. Each to his own. Have a friend my age that is still a virgin. She never wanted kids but was rather picky when it came to men. Never even dated. Now she is lonely and wishing she had someone.
 

Rudolph Hart

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Two camps IMO:
  1. Older men that have spent their lives becoming financially secure and are now ready for a family -- they'd typically be hunting for younger woman who want to be mothers.
  2. Older divorced / widowed men that already have a family; and hence only need companionship; someone to do things with and / or for no strings attached sex.
"look after them" is something that could be paid for e.g. a maid that cooks and cleans -- why would you ever willingly choose to bear the baggage that older woman have?

As for " I don't think older women want attachments" -- an older woman that wants attachments would be an warning siren for me... because it's more often than not from a financial perspective e.g. has kids needs you to pay for her lifestyle and that of her kids, etc.
I think you’re looking at this through a very specific lense. People are just far more diverse than that. I’ve had relationships with younger women who tried to suck me dry (no, not that way*), but emotionally, time, availability, energy, financially you name it. I’ve also had relationships with older women who have had kids and bills to pay and a underpaid job and an ex who won’t help his own kids out, yet when I offered to help, they wouldn’t accept it. Many divorced women are in a difficult situation financially, many walked away with little, just to get out of a bad situation. I’d rather date someone like that than the one who gouged her ex and put money ahead of any other priority. Which probably says as much about my attitude to money as it does my attitude to women.


* The one in particular still owes me a blow job from a bet we took. That’s one blow job I hope I never get.
 

Rudolph Hart

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Why call it dating then? For me dating was what I did when I was looking for a life partner... now that I have a wife and kids, I have no desire to ever date again. Marriage IMO is the original purpose of dating... it's mostly certainly what most woman view it as.

As I said if I was single again at my age (50); I certainly would never date anyone... I'd much rather be looking for friendship, no dating... that way the terms of sex are clear... i.e. clear that none of us are looking for a relationship.
I don’t know. What else should we call it? You go out with someone and have some fun. Lunch, a music gig, a picnic. To me the word dating is just something that describes spending time with someone you have a romantic interest in. Maybe not even romantic, maybe it’s just sexual. Or perhaps is not sexual at all, it’s just because you don’t want to sit and eat your meal alone.

My definition of dating seems to be a lot looser than yours.
 
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OCP

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Why call it dating then? For me dating was what I did when I was looking for a life partner... now that I have a wife and kids, I have no desire to ever date again. Marriage IMO is the original purpose of dating... it's mostly certainly what most woman view it as.

As I said if I was single again at my age (50); I certainly would never date anyone... I'd much rather be looking for friendship, no dating... that way the terms of sex are clear... i.e. clear that none of us are looking for a relationship.
Dating definitely means different things to different people.
I have several activity friends (most have kids similar ages to mine) where it is nice to go out and do things together (ie. camping etc)
Dating for me would include the physical with an emotional connection.

There are a lot of woman over 40 who are not keen for anything serious; happy to invite you over for dinner, some netflix and chill and then boot you out the door so they can still get a good night sleep.
 
R

[)roi(]

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I don’t know. What else should we call it? You go out with someone and have some fun. Lunch, a music gig, a picnic. To me the word dating is just something that describes spending time with someone you have a romantic interest in. Maybe not even romantic, maybe it’s just sexual. Or perhaps is not sexual at all, it’s just because you don’t want to sit and eat your meal alone.

My definition of dating seems to be a lot looser than yours.
Romance and sex can occur without the emotional attachment of a relationship for men... with woman that's more often than not the case; hence I would cloud the picture by calling it dating.

...because whilst you might think dating is just for friendship and sex... in most cases her definition would be text book:
Text book definition of dating...
A form of romantic courtship typically between two individuals with the aim of assessing the other's suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse.
The result of dating may at any time lead to friendship, any level of intimate relationship, marriage, or no relation.

Woman on dating sites are more often than not looking for permanence... so that would IMO not be the ideal site for a friendship and a no strings attached sex.
 

Tribs

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Romance and sex can occur without the emotional attachment of a relationship for men... with woman that's more often than not the case; hence I would cloud the picture by calling it dating.

...because whilst you might think dating is just for friendship and sex... in most cases her definition would be text book:


Woman on dating sites are more often than not looking for permanence... so that would IMO not be the ideal site for a friendship and a no strings attached sex.
Sex doesn't require feelings or even need you to love the person. It is purely physical and need driven. Yes it is best if there is attraction - some form of chemistry. But it is not required.

But I see you are right on the definition of the word dating. I guess some of us just see it as watered down.
 
R

[)roi(]

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I think you’re looking at this through a very specific lense. People are just far more diverse than that. I’ve had relationships with younger women who tried to suck me dry (no, not that way*), but emotionally, time, availability, energy, financially you name it. I’ve also had relationships with older women who have had kids and bills to pay and a underpaid job and an ex who won’t help his own kids out, yet when I offered to help, they wouldn’t accept it. Many divorced women are in a difficult situation financially, many walked away with little, just to get out of a bad situation. I’d rather date someone like that than the one who gouged her ex and put money ahead of any other priority. Which probably says as much about my attitude to money as it does my attitude to women.


* The one in particular still owes me a blow job from a bet we took. That’s one blow job I hope I never get.
Not quite... I also look at it through the lens of a parent i.e. I would take offence to another guy trying to become a step dad to my kids; similarly I would expect a woman to be devious about any man that was keen on her because of her kids (pedophile alarm bells would be screaming loudly).

Plus why would any man want to be involved with another man's kids... it's just going to create unnecessary tension and will more often then not lead to the end of the relationship. A good mother would not let a man other then their father discipline them, similarly I'd expect the kids to be less than willing for another man to try to act like their father.

If you're single, without kids... why would you ever want the complication that someone else's kids bring... that's not to say you couldn't be friends with her, and engage with her when the kids are visiting with dad. Plus it's quite normal for a man to date women much younger than they are... and if you're financially secure, keep yourself in good stead... then you'd be a catch for woman without the baggage.
 
R

[)roi(]

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Sex doesn't require feelings or even need you to love the person. It is purely physical and need driven. Yes it is best if there is attraction - some form of chemistry. But it is not required.

But I see you are right on the definition of the word dating. I guess some of us just see it as watered down.
What's important is what does the woman think it is -- doubtful most woman are on dating websites for sex and friendship only.
Whilst it's not impossible to find a woman who is happy to engage in no strings attached sex... it is more an exception rather than the rule, and dating IMO is certainly just going to further confuse the situation i.e. she may think the sex is leading to a more permanent relationship, whereas you brush it off as a good time spent with a forward thinking friend.
 
R

[)roi(]

Guest
What else do you call it? The word “dating” just means going out with someone.
I go out with friends... I certainly have never contemplating dating any of them.
Similarly I have had friends with benefits prior to my marriage... but I never dated any of them.
 

biometrics

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I go out with friends... I certainly have never contemplating dating any of them.
Similarly I have had friends with benefits prior to my marriage... but I never dated any of them.
Think you're splitting hairs here, everyone else understands what it means.
 
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