More
    Home Newsdesk Coronavirus: A Stockpiler shows his Stash

    Coronavirus: A Stockpiler shows his Stash

    A stockpiler’s stash. Credit: The Grotto

    South Africans have been stockpiling since the Coronavirus started. They’ve been squirreling away face masks and hand sanitisers and zink lozenges and protective gloves. They’ve been turning their homes into bunkers. And they’ve been keeping pretty quiet about it.

    One Cape Town stockpiler has allowed The Grotto to view his stash. It cost him more than R20 000, although one would not say so looking at the purchases. It’s enough to see him and his companion through a three month quarantine.

    Survivor SA
    The Grotto examined the purchases. The stockpiler’s first purchase was a durable plastic cupboard which he calls his ‘pantry’. Don’t be fooled by the nostalgic associations that the word evokes. The cupboard was manufactured by Keter, the well-known manufacturer of outdoor furniture. It cost him R3000. In size it is closer to being medium, than to being big. It’s been a squeeze fitting the purchases in the cupboard, the stockpiler admits. On the top shelf catfood and flea treatment compete for space with bottles of vitamins meant for human consumption.

    The groceries have set the stockpiler back by approximately R5000. Note that he bought most of the items at Checkers, and not at Woolworths, which would have made things more expensive. The pantry’s shelves are stacked with instant noodles, rice, lentils, curried vegetables, baked beans, Ricoffy, bags of decaf coffee and cartons of long life milk. There are also some chips and peanuts, tissues, Carlton and 2-ply toilet paper.

    The liquor stash cost about R2000. Tins of Castle lite dominate. There are 90 litres in all, and the stockpiler has stacked them in a small Mount Castle lite next to the new cupboard. More beer is kept in in the fridge. There are also two liters of whiskey in another cupboard. Should things get really bad, the stockpiler plans to stop drinking beer and switch to red wine.

    Masks, gloves, hand sanitiser
    The stockpiler says that he’s reasonably positive of beating the odds, and staying healthy. To boost his chances he has laid in a three month supply of his chronic medication. He uses medication for his high blood pressure and cholesterol. He has also invested in multivitamins, zink lozenges and hand sanitiser. He has gone to great trouble to order the face masks that offer 99.97% protection from overseas. He shows The Grotto one of the masks. Shape-wise it looks like one of the gas masks one sees in WW2 documentaries. It’s been colored an angry red-purple. It is guaranteed to frighten children, and hopefully, viruses.

    Getting hold of the masks was a battle. One package arrived with signs of having been opened, another package was held up at customs. The safety glasses that he bought proved to be the biggest headache. They got lost along the way. They are at present still stuck in New York.

    Being a typical South African male at heart, the stockpiler has also laid in an impressive quantity of wood and meat, and two 9 kg bottles of gas. He also keeps his car filled up.

    In case the proverbial shit does not hit the fan, everything can still be used, the stockpiler points out. He’s satisfied that he’s got all the basics to see out a three month quarantine. Ideally, he’d like to get hold of more alcohol to disinfect surfaces, but it’s impossible getting hold of this at the moment at the shops, and he’s a bit tired of ordering online. “I’ve been training all my life for it,” he says with a gleam in his eye at some point during the interview. “I’m ready for this.”

    Latest

    Medical aid: Eish!

    Medical aids. Don't talk to her about them! So complains a reader of The Grotto, who is battling her medical aid at this very moment.

    Poem

    Mia Valodia Wessels van Zijl invariably transports readers to a more poetic reality.

    Kaiings in Kaboel

    Die digter-sjef Zane Beswick het 'n heerlike artikel geskryf oor die Kaboem-maaltyd wat hy in Kaboel, die hoofstad van Afghanistan, moes maak.

    Errieda du Toit se knievrye witbrood in ‘n gietysterpan

    Errieda du Toit‘n Brood en ‘n baie spesiale bord.Die herdenkingsbord het ek in 1998 vir my Ma...

    Taal lawwigheid: Snuf in die neus kry

    Dis glo reg om te sê "Die snuf in die neus kry" eerder as "snuf in die neus kry." Ek sou verskil daarmee. Ek los altyd 'die' uit en dink dit klink beter so vir my.

    Gerook, gedrink, gerangskik

    In hierdie liriese essay skryf Lise Beswick oor 'n boom wat so groot is dat jy hom van die maan kan sien en blare wat kraak soos pakkies chips as jy oor hulle loop.
    NEWSLETTER

    SIGN UP

    Do you want to get the latest news from The Grotto? Enter your email address and click subscribe.