Home Stuff Satire Artist starts rhyming non-stop after getting a bad crit

    Artist starts rhyming non-stop after getting a bad crit

    A bad crit has upended Cape Town artist Tony van Dyck’s life. The artist has lost the ability to speak in ordinary sentences. Everything he says has to rhyme. Van Dyck tells Linza de Jager that this is due to trauma. It’s tiring. And yes, he is suing.

    Sensitive artist Tony van Dyck. Illustration: Ratel

    Van Dyck’s troubles started two months ago when he was asked him to create illustrations for a sex education programme. When the client saw the illustrations she exclaimed that they were “disgusting.” Van Dyck says he lost his ability to draw nudes on the spot.

    A Rubicon
    “The curves, the tactility, the sheer beauty and voluptuousness,” that he had always felt when drawing nudes ended at that moment, he says sadly. In its place came a new habit. That of rhyming. Van Dyck says it must be his way of dealing with the trauma. But it’s “bloody tiring” and he’d like to move on.

    Can only draw plants now
    “I’ve had bad crits before,” the artist told The Grotto this week. “I had a really mean art teacher, she was far from being vanilla, she was a killa. She made me shiva. But this was a killer crit. It was barely legit. This was the hideous hex of a T-Rex!”

    The artist reports that rhyming tires him so much that he can only draw plants. Some plants are off limit however as their shapes remind him of the human body, and so he finds them impossible to draw. “No butternut or pumpkins or mushrooms or carrots, please, they’re a tease. No rumpy pumpy. It makes me down in the dumpty.” The “T-Rex”-client did not respond to The Grotto’s questions.


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